When he turned a stranger

Here she writes what she feels about him now.
She tells how how each time he has let her down.
How he is unfailing drifting away,
Not listening about anything she says.

She thought that he was her real friend.
But now she sees this friendship's near end.
He is really very selfish and mean,
She wonders how such good friends they had ever been.

He was such a likable person who she never wanted to lose,
Who was there every time for her whenever she went blue.
But today he doesn't even turn around if she ever falls.
Since he has others and has to save them all.

He wants them to make him the priority in their lives,
And in his company since he's so jolly, they feel so alive.
But here she tries to talk to him that she feels lonely,
But he blames her all the time saying 'She's so cranky'.

She says a word or two again and for sometime,
He would talk like he was before and she feels fine.
But then after a while, again he would be the same,
Going away, being ignorant, rude and no more sane.

He doesn't realize it what he's doing to her this time,
When so many others had done the same with him in his life.
Was it always a lie whenever he called her his best friend?
Did he ever utter a word that was something he really meant?

Was she always kept in a denial that he would always be there?
And that whenever she needed him, he would be right in front of her?
She's scared of believing any other person from now on,
All the efforts she made to make things better are all done.

But now she thanks him, thanks him for everything,
She thanks him for the little happiness he used to bring.
She thanks him for he changed himself in such a way.
She thanks him for being her best friend for a while.
And for he remains happy with the new bunch, she'll always pray.

She apologizes for each time she annoyed him,
Even now when she would tell her feelings to him,
And she's sorry for being a pest in his life for so long,
She's sorry for nagging him about his being always wrong.

P.S. - Today, she is broken, alone, and dull. And the sad part is that he doesn't care. He has become stone-hearted and it doesn't makes any difference in his life losing her. He's in fact happy. And he has not even tried to make things better proving how important she was in his life. He has forgotten that when he had nobody, he had her. And now, he has everyone, but not her. Thanks!

Just Alone

I was always sure of the fact that nothing could cease our friendship,

But now I feel that you want to break free this grip.

I don’t know but I feel you don’t really want me to be there,

When you are so happy with the “new” and I m still standing here.

Waiting and expecting that may be you would come back,

And ask me, that If I am alone, if I am sad.

Still I stand here waiting for you with my hopes ditching me,

Where you are still hanging around happily ignoring me.

Now I know what I did was may be wrong,

And I know that you won’t agree to my this song.

but I had always risked all my relationships with others

so that I could be with you whenever you felt troubled.

Now you would say, why did I choose that path,

You had never asked me to remain in this dark.

But the thing is you were my real good friend who was not fine,

And I wanted that you life would brightly shine.

I still would do anything for our friendship and for you ,

Even if I am forlorn right now and my life is getting all blue.

But I just want you to think about what has happened as the time has elapsed,

And I pray to get those happy old days back.

Here I am, alone, Just ALONE.

In my destiny

Little did I know that you would enter in my life,
And with you beside me I would win all my strifes,
My world would shimmer like the stars in the sky,
With each passing moment, without you, I would die.

Soon you would conquer my heart and me,
And this would be something I would never like to break free.
In just a few days you would become my everything,
And the lovely songs of our togetherness I would sing.

Your eyes would be the ocean I'd love to drown in.
Your hands would be the one I'd want to hold when the night would get dim.
Your lips would be the one making my steps fumble.
You touch would get me high and make me tremble.

Your voice would be the music I'd hope to repeatedly listen to.
The words you would utter would always be praying for the love of us two.
Your smile would bewitch me and drive me crazy.
Your aroma would benumb me and make me dizzy.

But never did I know that all this was just momentary.
That you could never be mine as you were not sent for me.
I killed all my hopes so as to refrain the hurt and the agony.
I had to accept that it was all written in my destiny.

You were surely my angel and I loved you.
I don't know why we were not fated to be together and I couldn't undo-
All the times and all that I felt for you in the gone time,
And now I know that you are not meant to be mine.

Emotions matter (??)

Well, I don't know. People talk about emotions, sentiments, sensitiveness, etcetra etcetra. But they don't really give a damn about the feelings others have. They would go on and on and on about how much hurt they are when others don't take their emotions seriously. How people 'play' with their emotions. But then later on, they forget their own experiences and keep hurting others through their deeds or may be words.

Then you have another category of people who regard emotions to be bullshit. They claim themselves to be "unaffected" by emotions. Like, it won't matter to them if their friends don't wish them on festive occassions, or it doesn't matter (according to them) if their friends dont often give them a ring or don't talk much at school.. so, they do the same with others who are, may be, full of these emotions, who may get 'hurt' by these things, who may wish to get some attention in this manner. For them, such people are simply attention seeker. But later on, if these attention seekers do the same with the same brigade of guys, they would feel depressed and may be shout on them. Believe it or not, Accept it or Deny it, it does hurt a lot. A normal human cant be a saint to just let go these things and remain unperturbed by such things and still lead a jovial life. 

This was the first case. Another thing comes with the category of people who want love, who CRAVE for love. They say, they have everything but love they deserve... (even if they get it). But it doesn't bother them if they hurt their friends by doing the same with them and depriving them of the love they deserve.. 

So in a nutshell, we all are humans and we all have emotions. It does matter to US! But the thing is we dont care how we easily take others for granted and consider others to be some great people who would forgive you for every petty thing you'd do to hurt them. Our heart brims with emotions. And emotions do matter a lot. 

WHY?

I walk a few steps with fear in my heart.

I think over and over again whether again will I be able to start?

Whatever all I had restrained myself from have come again to me.

But I dont want to get into it and just want to break free.

Time again has taken a turn and brought me to the same place.

I can again feel the grief of all those lost days.

After a short span of mirth, the sorrow has come yet again.

And making me believe that not for a long time, the glee with me can remain.

I again carry the burden of all the wrong deeds I've done.

And the memories have been regenerated that long time back I had burnt.

I feel sick and helpless with everything that is happening around.

After getting over it all, I now again feel so down.

Why is it that happiness cannot stay with me for long?

Why am I the only one who is every time proven wrong?

Why is it that every bright day is swallowed by the dusk?

Why is it that everytime my present is replaced by the past?

I am tired of getting bothered every time by all this.

And tired of praying to God to let me also have some bliss.

I stand in the middle of the desert and stare at the clear sky,

And pray to the Lord, to answer all my questions, WHY.

When I start to think about it 3 hours past midnight

I don't know what I am up to at the moment. It's quarter to 3 a.m. in the morning and 7 hours late I have my hindi BOARD examination (trust me, its not as simple as it sounds) and instead to being lost in my ecstatic dreams or horrid nightmares, I am flexing my fingers and writing aimlessly this blog. (lol). I am quite happy that after tomorrow (today, whatever you may call it) I'd be getting rid off this miffing Hindi. FOREVER! What a feeling. It's for the last 3 hours of my life when I'd be racking me brains and writing in that ansewr booklet for the last time and biding Hindi literature, a sweet-though-mean goodbye. Now why I call it mean too has a reason behind it. We are all Indians. But we, the future generation and the heirs of our Indian culture and tradition, WE, the people who are going to be rulers of our nation.. We curse our mother tongue, OUR national language. We loathe it, we hate it. Why? We are so swayed over by the western culture and western ideas that we think that India is a really wrong place we took birth in. Inspite of majority of people speaking hindi, it looks as if English has become our mother tongue. We are jolly pleased about getting free from learning hindi anymore which is our own language but it doesn't hurt us to read English more. Isn't that a shame on us? If we only will not love and respect our language and culture, our notions and traditions of the society then nobody else in the world would respect us. As we know that one should learn to respect himself to receive respect from others. It is only 'us' who can do smething about this. It's only 'us' who have to make India, OUR counrty more prosperous. We should, henceforth, start taking pride in our history, tradition and language. We have to stand together for achieving our goals in this matter.

         Anyway, before my friends/readers began to think that I've gone mad.. A hardcore hater of Hindi language (only as a subject in school) publishing such a post (lol) I should better go and sleep. Nahi toh boards mein yahee hindi le doobegi.. :D

Awaiting the end

Out of nowhere, his friendship was offered to me,

When I was all new to this place.

I accepted it and was happy to see,

Such a person who was so merry and always gay.

 

A sweet and a clear-hearted person was he,

Who would enlighten the place where his presence was witnessed.

The air there was full of mirth and exuberance,

The essence of which I can never forget.

 

I got closer to him and we became such good friends,

But some lunes around could not see him getting a new buddy.

They uttered unkind and cruel words to me about him,

And said things so that my friendship with him I could cease.

 

But I had my own ways of judgment about a person,

And so, nobody I ever did heed.

I remained his friend even then,

And did things so that a buoyant life he could lead.

 

But as the year passed, he began to grow morose,

His life was made tough and was adorned by thorns.

He would get depressed and sad every time easily,

As more people who spoke wrong about him were born.

 

Somewhere there was my fault too,

As I also blamed him for some reasons.

But believe me; I never wanted to hurt him,

But to bring in his life some spry seasons.

 

I unlocked some stories to which only I had the keys,

And apprised him of each callous word, for him that was being uttered.

I know it must have hurt and pierced his heart a lot,

But still the innocent he, in agony too, heard it, and not even a word he murmured.

 

He listened to everything I told him patiently,

And promised to wash all the flaws off him.

I know he never wanted to do anything iniquitous to anyone,

Thinking about all that, with tenderness, my heart was up to the brim.  

 

He tried his level best and I found in him a change,

I began to respect him even more seeing all his efforts,

He achieved some new friends and got some old ones back as rewards,

But still he felt, of something in his life, there was a dearth.

 

He wears a charismatic smile for this world.

It has been two years since then when I made him my friend.

But what pinches me the most is that still,

I could not bring the grief within him to an end.