Be with me forever

You are one sweet music,
The only one in which I am interested,
You are one fair chill breeze,
Your touch always puts me at ease.

You are that starry night,
In which shines that full moon bright,
Your warmth is soothing like that of the sun,
After I met you, my life took a new turn.

You are like the green leaf of that new plant,
Adorned by the dew on the morning grass,
You are like the sky full of clouds,
And the love you shower like rain on the ground.

You are like the flowers in the garden,
Or like the new bud just ready to blossom,
You are the reason for my laughter and my smile,
Be with me forever please, never leave me alone to live this life.

I still love you and will always do

To my dearest love, I write this,
With lot of love and a sweet kiss.
You were my sunshine and rose,
My earth, my moon and my sugary dose.

Earlier, I was not afraid of the dark.
But now, I am scared by a spark.
Every time before I had you beside me,
And see now, I stand alone in this street.

Those days were the finest when we sang songs,
Together; we prayed to god - “to each other we belong”
We made those promises and vowed them to keep,
Always; But who knew what was there inside you too deep.

In your heart where she had been living,
For a long time; playfully, me, you had been deceiving.
You thought, from me, it was easy to hide,
And I believed you were the only person who wasn’t snide.

I was so under a delusion it never came to me,
Such a fool I was, all that I could never see.
How pitiless you were that you had been doing,
Under my nose, my life you were screwing.

You took the advantage of my innocence and my trust.
You didn’t care about anything that was close to us.
You broke the relationship like it was a mere glass.
I wonder how for you it was such a painless task.

You have smashed all the dreams I had envisaged.
I feel like a bird locked up in a huge cage.
All that I thought were dreams are now nightmares.
I feel haunted, from everywhere, by stares.

Can you not see what you have done to me?
I’ll never forgive you ever even if you plead.
I hate you now but sill I can’t unlove you,
My heart still utters blessings for you.

Even if I say I don’t care,
Even if I ask you don’t you dare?
Even if I avert my eyes from you,
I still love you and will always do.

I remember it

I remember it,
It was some dream,
Having the best days,
It was just you and me.

I remember it,
There were people around,
Staring at us continuously,
It didn't look sound.

I remember it,
The breeze that was blowing,
Day was nearing the dusk,
And the moon came and began showing.

I remember it,
That bizarre feeling,
Traveling inside our nerves,
Crazy, Romantic and Chilling.

I remember it,
The petrifying sounds that came,
You held me in your arms,
Tightly and made me sane.

I remember it,
The look on your face,
So soothing and promising,
Of never leaving me in any phase.

I remember it,
The words you spoke,
That made my heart beat normal,
When I laughed at your sweet joke.

I remember it,
The way you were holding me,
So close that I couldn't breathe,
For that felt like eternity.

I remember it,
The caressing smile that you gave,
It was so sweet,
That for it my life I could give.

Life was so fine at that time,
Everything was just too perfect,
I had no dearth of anything,
Because I had you with me instead.

I remember it,
And so I promise to keep this all,
Forever within me, in my heart and my mind,
And never let it become something small.

What's so Big ?

Every now and then people keep on informing me that I am in 10th std. Whether am at home, school or even when I go to my friends' place. That really gets on my nerves. As if I dunno that I've my first boards this year. And yea I know its a CRUCIAL year but what's the BIG DEAL in it? I mean, its just same as any other ordinary exam with a difference that I would be writing my paper sitting at some other school and my copies would be checked by some teachers I would always be oblivious of. Otherwise I don't feel anything 'new' in it. I have to learn the things as I have always been doing. I'll get the same kind of question paper and I would be writing with the same old ink. Really. I mean why get so much petrified about it. It's nothing to hype so much. Just so much of exaggeration really piss me off. Okay. I really admit that this is the first and the last chance to prove myself but that really burdens me more. Nothing better it does than annoying me. I hope everything works out perfectly and people stop bugging me with their 'It-your-10th-ohh-so-important-year'.

Sweet Friend

The usual stuff that I've been coming across made me a cynic. I found it really hard to distinguish between the 'right' and the 'wrong' for all those people who befriended me, somehow made me feel that somewhere inside they carried immense hatred for me. Perhaps. But I've really met a 'genuine' person. I wont say she's different, unique, intelligent, cool etc etc... which are a few things quite in vogue. She is a normal conspicuous person amongst us but believe me, the simplicity in her is commendable which really instigates some kind of admiration for her in me. She’s wondrous and perfect as a person. Apparently, Pooja is the first person in this school whom I actually adore. She is sweet natured and so innocent. I wonder how a person can be so nice. I hope she remains the same forever. God bless her and yeaa make her more happier. :D

Failure. Why?

Yet another chance of proving me slipped out of my hands. I tried my best to accomplish but to my dismay, I couldn’t. I took part in two debates which were recently held in school, and guess what; I couldn’t even get the runner’s up credit in both of them. Damn. Why does it always happen with me? ONLY ME? Ok, I agree that people were better than me and I am quite satisfied with the ‘justified’ results. But why only I am the one who is prize-deprived in this school? I am so accustomed to failure now that I don’t know was success is. Well, nah, I’ve not lost the confidence but you know, every time I think that ‘may-be-this-time’ but am finally shattered when I see every body (yea, EVERYBODY) win but me. Now what shall I do? Nothing. May be debating was never my cup of tea but I never minded giving it a chance, hoping that it might prove to be a cakewalk for me, and I think I was not that bad. Atleast I mustered up the confidence to face the entire crowd on speak my mind without any fear. But I also lost in something, I had a flair for. Yeah, you guessed it right. MUSIC! I lost in that part too. Urgh. I feel so low whenever I come to think of it. Persevere, persevere and PERSEVERE.

False Impression

I was broken beyond the limits in the 4th period when sir didn't give me my maths test paper and categorized me in that group of people who were constantly talking in the class. I was completely appalled when he called out all the names except for mine (also including the names of mauli, esha and akshita) and accused me of 'talking' even when he had already warned us that he won't be giving the papers. It came as a bolt out of the blue for me. Imagine how you would feel when somebody, for no reason, punishes you for a mistake you haven't committed. Not justified. I am not saying that Oh! m so innocent, I am so quiet, or I don't talk in class, but I am just expressing and telling the truth that at that time, I was only completing my pending work in biology as I'd already been 'praying' to get a free period so as to complete my work and wanted to finish it as soon as it could be possible. But, I was dismayed when I was being questioned about my obedience at that time. Had it been my fault, I would have really gone for an apology by heart, and I actually went to sir to ask fr forgiveness, but nah... He didn't even listen to me. The other three girls, who are my dear friends, were smiling, so still I can digest that sir must have thought them as to be violating his so-called 'rules' but me? I toh didn't even took a chance to curve my lips. I don't know when did he see me disobeying him. It ruined my entire day. I had been so jaunty before that, singing and gossiping merrily in the recess but just a false impression of a teacher made me cry for atleast the next 4 periods in school. My friends then tried to sooth me down and cheer me up by telling me that those marks wouldn't matter at all, something I already knew but what bothered me more was that Out of the 55 students, he only found me to be talking. Now, you only tell me, wouldn't all this make your eyes moist?

And it started raining

You know, we the students of std 10th have such a tedious life. I returned back to my home and slept without having my lunch (i don't eat much these days) as I had to go to my tuitions today. I was in the midst of a profound sleep when my brother came and woke me up. I felt like yelling at him but it was not his fault. Actually he did that 'cause it was time to pick up my bag and cycle to the tuitions. But I didn't mind as the weather was so wonderful. And also I had been missing it since three days because of my unit tests in school. And to make the matters worst, I didn't even appear for the mid terms. So, I HAD to go there. But look at my hap. As I called my friend from her flat (she also goes with me), it started drizzling. I was like - grr. Her mom said that we should not go but I said it's okay. Anyway, as we were en route to the destination it started raining heavily, not SO HEAVILY that you get completely drenched within no time but yea, it was somewhere between a drizzle and a Heavy rain. We were pacing fast but it was high time that we took a plunge of returning back. But then Shreya (my friend) said that it's a little more but we were not able to see properly 'cause of the spects. Well, we finally took a turn and returned back. It was wonderful to cycle and getting wet in the rain. After a long time I had enjoyed such a time. It was fun and had a gala time here.
So, two big good things happened. First, I could enjoy the rain and get wet, that otherwise would not have been possible as my mother wouldn't have consented me to go out. Secondly, I escaped another tedious class of tuitions. And yea, Now am at home listening to music! :D

Where are the answers?

This blog is a pure reply to Shobhit's recent post. Ok, I very much agree with him about my imbecile-intellect. I have a tendency of vowing to start learning the course for exams since the beginning and sorry to say but I perpetually break it. And then I pick up my book the 'night' before the exam and somehow learn everything. I call up people and tell them (e.g. Shobhit) that I am over with my not-so-difficult course, often grumbling about it (I hate rattafication) and when being asked the easiest of the questions, a BIG 'oopss' escapes my lips. Where has my 'reserved' course gone? Who stole it? Oh! Actually the problem is that I m already preoccupied with so much of knowledge that my memory stick is full. No scope for further information. (Wink). So you know, if I force myself with it, it would have devastating consequences. And regarding me often smashing into people here and there, it is a ‘mere’ accident. Lolz. Ok ok , I won’t deny the putative fact that I am a little (see the sarcasm) clumsy but then it’s alright till it entertains my friends (I would not consider anyone who would laugh at me in a serious manner). So, I am happy, but yea, next time I’ll make sure that Shob doesn’t get a chance to pose questions during a talk! :D

Adieu

Who would have ever thought that this would happen to him? I heard about Major Bhanu Pratap Singh and it affected me deeply. He made himself immortal on this earth by his heroic gesture. What else can a person gift his motherland than his own life wrapped in blood? Nothing can be as supreme as it. What would his parents be feeling after losing their son who was too young to die? What about his wife, who has got her entire life lying ahead of her, who would perhaps lose all her youth in living the life of a broken widow, lamenting on the death of her husband? And his 3 year old son who didn't even know what was happening around? Today, I saw his picture in the newspaper where he was standing with folded hands in front of his father's body and that poignant scene actually brought tears in my eyes. Nah, I didn't know him before I read about him in the newspaper, that too my mom told about it. But you know, there's a kind of strong bond between people on this earth. You won't feel good to see a person suffering from anything. It was piercing to know about it and it created a strong disgust in me for all those 'murderers' responsible for his death. But, I stand in a great honor for him, for the person, who could have chosen life but instead decided to grab the traitors and do something for his nation and yes, he succeeded. Nothing could have been great than his selfless sacrifice for his motherland and I feel great to be a part of a country where such great men are born. A salute to him!

Another Day with mixed feelings....

Why don’t I get through anything I try to do? Today we had our elimination round for the selections of ‘good debaters’. Our school has got 3 invitations from different schools for inter-school debate and there were six people to be selected in all. I knew that it would not be an easy task to get selected from the students of std. 10^th to 12^th, which brim with great debaters. But still, I gave myself a chance having a little hope of getting in. I prepared my debate well (atleast I think so), I m not saying good but yea, it was quite ok to stand with the pieces written by the veterans in this field. And, I was quite confident with it. But in school, when I got to know about the rebutting round, I got nerve.

I thought I would go later and as there was no time left, the judges didn’t hear the complete debate. That’s where I went wrong. May be the people who were the first ones to speak their parts got the advantage and got selected. Well, I would like to clear that I don’t hold grudges against anybody, or I am not envious too, but enraged with myself. You know it hurts to lose, even if you are not good at something. I just felt a bit dejected that time, but yeah, I am glad that my best friends got in (no sugarcoating here) and I truly did. Why shouldn’t have they?? After all they are the BEST. But now I m ok with it.

And you know, I surely was very confident and never felt jittery while exhibiting my piece.

But the other half of the day was pure bliss. It was so wonderfully great. You know, sometimes you just want to forget all your apprehensions in life, everything and just want to be free and become a small carefree child again. That’s what I did to perk myself up. I went to a near by park with my friend (now what I m telling u may sound silly to you and may prove me a lune) and enjoyed the see-saw rides. YES. You read it absolutely correct. It was so much of fun going on the slides and the swings and rejoicing the see-saw rides. I got a bit conscious too thinking what other people might be thinking about us but then I just didn’t give a damn about it and did what I wanted to. It was fun. Believe me. Try it out sometime. Wow. The other half of the day made me forget all my unhappiness of the morning. And it made me high-spirited again. Now, I’ll try to be better the next time. Wish me luck.

Jab I met …

Well, m not here with another story pertaining to love or something of that ilk but something diametrically opposite. Today i.e. on 9^th July 9, 2008 , I was en route to my coaching classes and was driving my bicycle in a haste as I had my first science test in the institution and hadn’t prepared anything (Reason: I was more interested in watching Imraan-Genelia’s new flick), so couldn’t get the time to study. So I had my theory notes in one hand and I held the handles with another and was totally engrossed in the former job, my eyes were on the theory sheets and as I was nearing my destination, I was crossing the road , I checked for anything that was on the way and after being sure that the path was clear and safe for me to cross I took a turn but at the spur of a moment a stupid brat appeared there at such a high speed as if he was having a race with the wind or may be he was a ‘Dhoom’ freak and he didn’t even care to apply breaks and – zooooooom!!!!Bahhhhhhh! there he hit the back of my cycle and he fell. Now, He fell, that itself implies that he was guilty of that tiny-miny-terrifying “accident”. And, on tht he asked me “road dekhkar cross kiya karo”! stupid fellow! I accept that am a careless driver, I really am sometimes but this time I swear it wasn’t my fault. He should have checked his speed at that delicate zone. Anyway, God is there to save. Thank God.

Finally back on track

Well yeah, the school’s reopen and life has been set up on a fixed track. Waking up at 6 in the morning, getting in the school uniform, setting the bag with the books meant to be taken to school according to the time table (it won’t matter if you leave a book or two, or don’t even bother to take any), and then leaving your house to reach the bus stop on time, of course in a haste and you end up forgetting some of the must-to-be-taken things.

After a couple of minutes, you reach school, after the first bell has already been rung, and you run all the way to your classroom, keep your bag anywhere, and move to the ground for the assembly where you have too stand (urgh) for around 15 minutes (even more if the day happens to be Friday). Then after all those prayers, articles and daily announcements, you reach your class and look for your ‘lost’ bag which you find somewhere lying on your foe’s (may be) seat (gee, here you exchange grumbling expressions). Then you finally find a place to sit, sometimes, next to the person you find stupid but you have to maintain a rapport in order to get through well for the next 5 hours (reluctantly). This is when you class teacher comes into the picture and takes a tedious attendance where you can’t resist talking and finally forget to make her aware of your presence and when you realize this, she has already incepted teaching. Err. Ok, forget it.

The whole day moves on, period after period goes the same and you feel like yawning after getting cheesed off by studying for around 1 & a half hour (wow, such a long period). You are finally elated when the bell rings after the 3^rd period and rush out of the class to meet your best buddies. And all that while, you get so engrossed in a tête-à-tête that you don’t care about the Tiffin your mom made for you with so much of love. Nah! It’s not tasty. Well you have not even finished gossiping and ‘ting ding ting’. You reach your class and then study, study and STUDY. And to make the things even worse, you are under another pressure of studying ‘hard’ this time and are perpetually reminded that you have your boards this year. STUDY HARD!! After fighting with the boredom, the school gets over and you reach your bus. Oh sorry, before that too you undergo another round of stupid-but-interesting talks with your pals. After that you reach your home back, and without wasting a second, change your dress, have your lunch and rush for coaching. Urr, well after 2/3/4 hours you return home and then again studies. (This will kill someday). Have your dinner and go off for a long sleep. Next day goes the same way. This is how the life of an ordinary teen (exceptions are always there) goes. It’s tedious and tiring. Yeah, but there’s no way to escape it and it’s up to you to make it exciting.

Now I realize that I have grown up. WHY?

A way to Heaven

What people of my age often reminisce about is the time they had spent with their grandparents (nana & nani). They tell how their grandpa/ma’s narrated them stories to get them into sleep or how they used to relish spending time listening to them and hoe they used to scold their moms and supporting them in the silliest thing they did. In vacations too, most of my friends usually visited their grandparents. But here I am, standing aloof with this brigade of my peers. I was around three months old (as told by my mum) when my nani left for heavenly aboard.

Albeit I had my nanaji, I wasn’t as close to him as generally people are as I hardly used to meet him, for he lived somewhere else than with my uncles. So, I never got a chance to spend some time with him. And I was too small, perhaps 5-6 years old, when I was in a constant touch with him. So I don’t remember that time. After that I met him at the time of my eldest uncle’s death, three years back. I never had that close bond with him. I was aware of his presence but had no clue as too where he was or his well being.

My mom often told me how great he was. He had been, perhaps, the most loyal, veracious and a dependable man in uniform. She says that he epitomizes a perfect honest officer. He was so benevolent that he had never hurt even a thief behind the bars. In his life, he had achieved a lot of admiration, respect and applause. And this is what makes me feel proud. But I lost him too. The day (14^th June ’08) is a dark page in the diary of my life. Though I never had that affectionate and loving bond that a usual pair of grandfather and granddaughter has, still I feel that ‘YES!’ somewhere, somebody was there in my life, who has gone beyond my reach. I saw my mother craving to catch a last glimpse of her dad, weeping and fainting every now and then, and that scene still makes my heart beat faster. I just can’t imagine how she must have been feeling after the loss of her man, who brought her in this world. I pray that he remains happy and peaceful where he is. I MISS HIM!!

Don’t worry if your job is small !

“Don’t worry if your job is small,
And your rewards are few.
Remember that the mighty oak,
Was once as small as you.”

The thought has been rightly put into words by an anonymous poet. The message that the poet wants to convey is, perhaps, quite conspicuous. Today, in this world, every one is running after something respectable and reputable work, that is, something very big. A person fears to be left behind in this era of ‘cut-throat’ competition in every field. Each one of us tries our best to get into something that is not ‘self-satisfying’, rather making you superior in the society. But these hunts for self-gain have created many spoilers. People have become corrupt. But that’s another thing. The worst trait a man instills in him is jealousy and envy which are the roots to the other negative attributes in one's character. These two evils have got the capability to deviate a person from a healthy life to an injurious one.

I don’t mean to say that these two atavistic traits are meant for only bad, but there have been hardly any cases where they have turned to be good for one's self. I won’t deny that it does encourage a person to do something better in order to equal those who are good but it would only help if one takes it in a positive approach. So, this is what I think about this whole idea of small and big job. I think one should remain happy in whatever he has or he possess. He should not ‘crave’ for ‘more’ but for his own ‘betterment’, by fair means of course. One should remain nonchalant and try to get more but not at the cost of others. And I believe that if one thinks this way, every one in this mighty world would live happily and joyfully.

I will do it from TOMORROW.....

This six-words sentence often escapes my mouth. Seems like I am quite attached to it. And it's so promising. Right? It assures others that from the next day, the person is gonna do the assigned work. But in my case, this doesn't. Especially my friends and parents never believe me. And they are right too :D. I am a kinda girl who never does a thing on time, be it homework, studies or any other daily chore. For example, when I was giving the final examinations of 8th std., there were 7 days given as preparation leave before the science exam. I thought there was ample time to study, and every day ended up with me saying, "I'll start studying from tomorrow". And finally, i started studying two days before the exam. And the course was so lengthy that i got anxious. I was nearly in verge of tears. I did not sleep the entire night and kept on studying. After giving my paper, i sighed and hoped I get atleast 90% marks. But, I don't know how, I scored 100%. I jumped with elation when i saw my marks in every subject. This is one example. It usually happens with people ( and always with me) , that they vow of finishing up with their holiday homeworks in the initial days but they incept their work two days before the school is going to be reopen. Like what I am undergoing, Everyday, I think that I'll definitely start learning the course from today, but as the time goes by, I am compelled to say, "I will do it from tomorrow". I know I should not waste time, I should make a correct use of each and every second as I have my boards this year, but NO, I don't do. huh. I just hope I change this habit of mine as soon as possible. So, I swear that I WILL CHANGE MYSELF FROM TOMORROW! :D

Home Sweet Home

I was very happy yesterday. WHY? Even I don’t have the answer to this. I was feeling jovial. May be because I was back at my sweet home from the so-called ‘Farm-House’ where my grandparents live. Being back at home feels so good and fresh. Working on your own computer, moving freely and being at home, watching television without getting ‘perturbed’, eating food the way you want to, not flustering about breaking anything that you own (though one can’t b sure about this, atleast me coz then I would have to hear naggings), going out of your flat in any direction you want and ringing your friends ever so often without being asked to give the cell back (not actually), and then listening to music in your computer of which you have a huge collection. You cannot get it anywhere else. Besides I can switch on to my own computer anytime without fearing about any kind of “gadbad” that I do with it. And the best part is, Downloading :D
Another thing is, at my home, I would not be having any kind of obligation to do the given work and would not be called by anybody.

a lone walker, who is pacing up and down d paths of life, thinks that every day brings a new "hope" for something new or something u had been wanting 2 do since days ! but sometimes is broken into pieces with every dusk and is thinking that this is d end, d END of everything i wanted to do, i wanted to gain, i wanted to lose ! but then, there are some good-wishers (though i think m a loner), who often makes her feel that no, this is not d end , not the end of your life ! u have a lot more that is exclusively kept for you and would b given to u only ! one day, u will definitely succeed ! and then, her same "hope", she thought that was "lost ", is restored in her ! and then, a SmilE - worthing a million dollar is again on her face !
this LONE WALKER is nobody, but "ME" !

Friendship

As fragile as a pearl, is this friendship. It is like a small innocent child who needs a lot of care,love,affection,concern and attention. Friendship is an indispensible part of our lives.It is a necessity, a drug which makes everyone addicted to it. It is a relief for a person in pain, a humour to dilute one's rage. It makes our lives luciferous. Without friendship, the life of a person would have been in the doldrums. It makes a dull life full of vibrant hues and colours. It is as important as the air we breathe in. A sweet doze of friendship can even win the hearts of mute creatures. Friendship restores exuberance and joy in one's dull life. Friendship worths more than blood relations and is pure , without any malignancy. But one has to be very scrupulous so as to make a friendship long laster. It has to be crammed with a lot of trust ... trust is an essence of friendship. Friendship is analgesic and it makes a person forget his/her sorrows. It brings about a smile on the face of a person in dismay. What one feels in friendship is too enormous to be binded into words. Friendship is like a dream and one never wants to wake up from it !